


Kesha vs Adventure Time

by Carliro



Category: Adventure Time, Kesha (Musician)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon LGBTQ Female Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Love, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 18:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16454891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carliro/pseuds/Carliro
Summary: Kesha travels back to the future (geddit) and meets everyone after das finale. Will they have adventures 2getha?





	Kesha vs Adventure Time

"I was a just a young kid with time to waste/  
Living out of my car, those were the days/  
We were all the wild ones, the wasted youth/  
Other than a dream, had nothing to lose"

Princess Bubblegum and Marceline where busy making out on top of a Mercedes Benz, 69 each other and defecating brown yellowish turds on their supple bodies of woe, rubbing the excrement like lubrication oil upon their buttocks and boobs like the cacophonous cries of Yaldabaoth. Their tities jiggled sedimental diarrhea waters while their vocal chords elicited moans, siren songs of a forgotten dynasty of waves within the oceans of time.

All the while Finn the human PERV watched. He was very angry because he tried to rape Princess Fire but his crotch became red and with dangling pieces of beef meat that used to be his shaft and testicular sacs, offset by blackened burning tissues and a pair of white well cooked testicles like mountain oysters, both with purple veins you could see well if you squirted. He was very mad and sad and wanted revenge for his unaccomplished gametes - who were now the finest white caviar and purple dust - but without a male genitalia item he could not righteously rape those women who tormented his forever virginal parody of a life.

He was very tired of watching those hot bodies that could no longer arouse him, so he grabbed a shovel and cut himself, releasing an orgasm of pain that flowed forth in honey and silk the colour of a child's rectum. But as the shovel blade cut the remnants of his arm stump, it opened a space time portal and from it came...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................KESHA ROSE SEBERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Why hello their boobtastic blondie lady" he grinned lecherously like a vampire finch pecking the wings of a boobie chick and clipping them so they would never fly, but then he realised that he had no penis so he could not rape, so he frowned.

Kesha looked around her surroundings, unfamiliar, but she quickly adapted. She grabbed the shovel and punched Finn in the head with its handle.

"Hey what's the big idea!?" Finn cried whimperedly, but he quickly regretted that.

Kesha turned the shovel around and cut his cheek open, exposing his jaw bones. She then peeled at the margins and pushed, flesh creating a tearing sound as it was separated from each other and from the skin covering it. Occasionally she encountered some resistance in the thicker tendons, but a punch or two softened them enough. Soon she removed the entire chunks of flesh on Finn's left side of the face, and with her sparkly high heels on his lower jaw she managed to remove the lower lip and cheek, tearing it off like a salmon fillet. She put it in her mouth and chewed until it was a bloody chum, then spat it out on Finn's face.

He tried to scream, but Kesha grabbed his right eyelids and pried them open, tearing them off alongside a chunk of skin above his eyebrow, then a little more peeling and his eyebrow came off. She then inserted her high heel on his right eye, bursting it, then took out an obsidian knife and carved out the other eye, putting it on a shell casing like Moana had for the heart of Te Fiti, which she then posted on the depths of her endometrium, causing Finn to see only evil for all eternal history. 

She then punched his jaws until his teeth came out, and used them to chisel out his zygomatic bones. With a good grasp on them, she pulled them, tearing Finn's face and ending his unworthy life.

"Ain’t it funny how time flies? Fades into gold/  
Now I wanna do a drive-by but I can’t find the road"

Kesha hide on the road, using Finn's intestines as camouflage. They were full of shit, so it was a good disguise.

Up passed LSP and Lemongrad. They were holding their hands lovingly, but not for long. Kesha sprang like an antlion and shoved an alabaster spear on Lemonade's pelvic bone, rupturing the osseous structure and his colon with a swift cut. He ejected yellow fluids which Kesha then put on a bowl and threw on LSP at the speed of light. With the third of a second all of Lemonon's bodily fluids were on LSP and she withered to a dissociated plum, which Kesha put inside a bag made from children's sexual organ tissues. She shook it violently, making it sure that the detestful extradimensional princess would know the new balance in the cosmos, before setting it on fire and sending her soul to hell.

Then, as Hunson Abadeer's face emerged to consume LSP's soul, Kesha positively charged Lemon's juices and made them into holy water, it on him and dissipating him into golden dust. LSP still went to hell, however, and legends say she is the slave to the daemon sultan of barbed clitorises, who barks obscenities at all kingdoms under heaven.

"Back to wonderland/  
Where it all began/  
Everything was so simple then/  
Living life like our last weekend/  
Wish I could find my way/  
Back to wonderland"

Party Pat was writing a memorial to all the people deaded by GOLB. It was very hard to do because his mind was conditioned to mindless hedonism, but he felt it was an impotent thing to do. He thought about some basic honorifics, perhaps also an exaltation of their deeds, even if they amounted to nothing.

All that was made irrelevant when Kesha grabbed his penis.

"Uh, excuse me, can you like not?" he rolled his eyes, groupies always tried to do that but they didn't realise that there was such a thing as the refractory period.

Kesha pushed, forcing him to stand up and abandon his writing lest the bad happen.

"Okay alright, just let my balls breath" said Party Pat annoyed.

But Kesha did not let them go. Instead, she kept tugging, leading him out of the apartment in the Slime Kingdom and out into the plains. Soon, they arrived at a dusty, yellow, sunlit prairie, the air seeming as though engulfed by an oppressive summer light, vivid yet lifeless. Distant wails of agony brought motion to an otherwise stagnant land, and several sweat drops began to dampen Party Pat's hair.

"O-okay, t-this has gone too far" pimpled Party Pat.

Kesha could only smile, and with a finger fucking she willed the light away, revealing.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................SWEET PEA!|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Hes..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................had a gag on his mouth and was tied with leather strips on his hands and knees! He was being fucked by an evil yellow dog whose body was a mass of yellow sheaths emanating bright violet purple dog red rockets ejaculating semen as white as DEATH They were penetrating Sweetie Pea's deliciouslyness soft velvet pink anus, his ear holes and nostrils sexily, creamping all of these orifices in a slutty manner as they moved in and out at the speed of light, coating the deliciousness BRAT with holy fluids of demise.

"Oh God!" said Party Pat terrifiedly, yet extremely aroused because he is a PEDOFILE and loved seeing little children get RAPED.

"Carrie’s in the valley, she’s got a kid/  
Julie’s still a waitress living on tips/  
Sometimes we get together and shoot the shit/  
But it’s not the same now, no, nothing is"

Marceline and Princess Bubblegum were being beaten up by Korra and Asami with crowbars. They died. Korra cremated them and spread the ashes up her pussy, which Asmai licked with much lezzie pleasure.

Kesha watched from the bushes, then lowered herself unto them, staring.

"Feels like it was a movie that plays in my mind/  
Shadows of a past life, wish I could rewind"

Cake and Fionna were having a wonderous sunbright day. They flew all over the bright holy land under the glorious light of the most sacred Tabiti sun, but there was something wrong. They had not seen Marshall Lee nor Prince Bubblegum, the exquisitely glistening boys who provoked oily tempests in their vaginas and a maddening urge to marry.

"Mm, something's gonna go wrong if those Angry Inch bitches don't cum (geddit) here soon!" sassed Cake blackily.

Suddenly, a black wind covered up the sun........................................................................................................................................................................................LORD MONOCHROMICORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"WTF nigga?" Cake asked angrily, except she was bleeding black blood out of lust for him. full of bright green isles of pus since she had pyometra right now. She rubbed this fluids on her fur to make them sexually attractive to man, making her hair crusty like dried pus, blood and vomit and full of maggots digging through her skin and rooting out hairs, making her bald.

"Back to wonderland/  
Where it all began/  
Everything was so simple then/  
Living life like our last weekend/  
Wish I could find my way/  
Back to wonderland"

The crisis was weighting heavily on Lady Rainicorn. 96% of all life in Ooo had been massacred by Kesha, and those who had not had converted to ten thousand sins of Argimpasa madness and lust. Oceans run brown with blood and most vile defecation poop, bones sprinkled the land like pepper on salad prickles. The sky was black with evil, obsidian dust created from the burnt pelts of the littlest children.

Meanwhile her son TV was trying FINGER HER!!!!! She slapped her prolapsed horse anus full of brownie poop at him like a slug hose of elyptical desires.

"Didn’t have a clue what we were doing or where we would end up/  
Living off of nickels and dimes and our young reckless love/  
We didn’t ever think that time would ever come to an end/  
Now if I could, you know I’d run"

"C'mon Beth, let's check that crevice over there!" crowed Shermy enthusiastically.

"Oh, why not" she agreed sagely.

Suddenly the earth began to shake, and eldritch cries came from within the magma-infused bowels of the earth. Before they could react massive golden tentacles erupted from the earth, glisting with arcane oils and shimmering their tooth-like scales in the dying sun, and they grabbed Beth's limbs, sawing them off as they sandpapered her flesh. The earth began to break apart, as slowly but surely Kesha's gigantic face began to emerge, being revealed as the soil and rocks cracked.

Before Shermy could react, she grabbed him and tore off his left arm. She twisted and turned, savouring every pathetic little sobbing she could produce from the small wrecked boy. She used all her magic to keep him alive, as slowly but surely she tore and re-arranged his body, until he was a skin-less, ear-less effigie of a man with his intestines forming a perfect halo around his body, looping and turning, passing through his nostrils and emptied eye sockets and depositing fowl faeces on his forehead like a fountain, while his eyes stood as red, eroded orbs barely distinguishable from the surrounding naked muscles. As for Beth, she was raped and became a living womb, forever to breed monstrosities that would rape her and tear her lower legs apart for all eternal history, well beyond the universe's collapse.

Empires rise and fall, but evil is eternal.

"Back to wonderland/  
Where it all began/  
Everything was so simple then/  
Living life like our last weekend/  
Wish I could find my way/  
Back to wonderland"


End file.
